The New Year is almost upon us and I’m still yet to have my resolutions list. Well, there are a few things that wanna be sure to stick to this time. The thing to watch out for is how long into the New Year can I bear up with them....

1. 1. Less internet. Write more, blog less. ( Need to get my hands on a diary L)

2. 2. Peace. Try to get there. Less self destruction.

3. Read. At least all the books eating and digesting dust sitting on the shelf.

Hmm..that’s it. Short and simple. Let’s start the year on that note. Bring it on!!

^_^

Pooja

When you drop a glass or a plate to the ground it makes a loud crashing sound. When a window shatters, a table leg breaks, or when a picture falls off the wall it makes a noise. But as for your heart, when that breaks, it’s completely silent. You would think as it is so important it would make the loudest noise in the whole world, or even have some sort of ceremonious sound like the gong of a cymbal or the ringing of a bell. But it’s silent and you almost wish that there was a noise to distract you from the pain.

If there is a noise, it’s internal. It screams so loud yours ring and your head aches. It thrashes around in your chest like a great white shark caught in the sea; it roars like a mother bear whose cub has been taken. That’s what it looks like and that’s what it sounds like, a thrashing, panicking, trapped great big beast, roaring like a prisoner to its own emotions. But that’s the thing about love- no one is untouchable. It’s as wild as that, as raw as an open flesh wound exposed to salty sea water, but when it actually breaks, it’s silent. You’re just screaming on the inside and no one can hear it.

Living with a boy (the trial version, so far) was fun.

CHECKLIST
1. Stereotypical toilet seat argument --> check
2. Fart-a-thon --> check
3. Perfect sex --> check
4. Intense late-night conversations --> check
5. Ugly naked spooning :P --> check
6. Long sexy photo-sessions and naughty video-shoots --> check
7. One delicious meal cooked by our very own masterchef --> check
8. Surviving the remaining 2days on top ramen and maggi -->check
9. Posing --> check
10. Sad, long and teary (mostly me) goodbye.

;P

You spin my head right round, right round,
When you go down, when you go down down....

I do NOT look like a porcupine when I'm pissed!!!

>(

A Diwali ...

of a daredevil break-in into the boys' hostel...

of being stunted to hatred of someone's ignorance or blatant bitchiness...

of extensive photo sessions...

of not dressing up, yet looking the best in someone's eyes...

of going nearly deaf in the left ear; twice...

of karaokes and gala phaad ke chillana...

of the cheapest yet best dinner in manipal ever...

of broken slippers and a 6km ride to get a pair of new ones...

of rounding up of 9 months of the best times of my life...

Happy Anniversary baby!!!

There is no god. Only guardian angels, one for each one of us. And I bet mine is just as big a nympho as me. ;P

Lamest day ever. Yet oddly satisfying.

Both our hearts have achieved a state of cheesy synchronicity.

Thanks for the new "time" :)

My narcissistic piece of weirdness...

...you with your regenerating virginity and sadistic overtures...

You will never quit, will you? Will never quit trying to make me feel like shit. And succeeding at that. Will never quit making me fly. And succeeding at that too.

Shit! You should be imprisoned and confined forever.

My heroin.

The girls are very happy today. They are growing up nice and fast :) Thank you!

You make me work so hard! That’s what I love about you. You are so real.
I hurt you and you hurt me back. We are like two kids, messing around.
Its so much PHUN!!!!!!!!!
(Stupidfuckinkeyboard!!! Feel nahi aa rahi yaar!!)


P.S. shubho mahalaya!!

All new highs, same old lows.

Possessive= Desirous to possess; to own

So much has changed from last time. So much more love, so many more hugs, kisses, tears, smiles. So much more wind in my hair. Its funny how the wrong choices at the wrong time could lead to something so beautiful. Its just like math. Two negatives make a positive.

I N D U L G E !!!

Never thought I would be saying this one day but I hate being a Bengali. They are loud, greedy, selfish, stupid, lazy, mean, rude, fake and utterly obnoxious. In short they are the worst of the lot.
I hate being one of them :(

It’s friendship day. Supposedly. Everywhere I go people start calling out “Happy Friendship Day!!” in the falsely cheery voices of theirs that fools nobody. Do they really mean that? Does anyone of them really give a shit whether you have a good day or not? Why the fuck do the waste their energy and too. Why don't they just shut up n save me the trouble of looking up and acknowledging their silly bonhomie? Why does being nice matter so much to everyone?

And here I am. Sitting in my room all alone. Slowly cutting myself off from everybody I know. They ask me what’s wrong with me. “I’m alright.” A half-truth. You are the only thing that is remotely right about me.

God will do it again. Like he did 5 years back. Latch me along with a thread of hope. And then jerk it all away from me.

Where are you, when I need you? Come back soon. Show me how to smile again. Be the “alright” in my life again.

We were going to be so big one day. That was the dream. Still is. We would have been. All of us had the potential. Each and everyone of us. But sub-consciously we are closer to killing it everyday. We got attached. We got tied down. We loved. We got tangled up in each other. And that was the death of each of our dreams.

Its 5.42am. I won't sleep. Coz then I won't have to wake up.

This is how it goes

Subarna: What!!
Pooja: :(
Subarna: WHAT!!!
Pooja: I want...
Subarna: Stop whining!
Pooja: I don't wanna stop whining
Subarna: Grow up!
Pooja: But I don't wanna grow up
Subarna: Ughh! Leave me alone!
Pooja: Give me what I want, and I will.
Subarna: What is it that you want?
Pooja: I dont know :(
Subarna: *pissed*
Pooja: Help me find out?
Subarna: NO!
Pooja: Please?!
Subarna: Leave me alone, you whiny, selfish little brat!
Pooja: Go to hell, you uptight bitch!

I'm in that unsatisfied, whiny mood of mine again. It's been too long. I wanna eat. And I wanna shop. I wanna be a normal girl for once. And not try so hard all the time. I wanna pamper me for a change. And not have such a hell lot of expectations from myself.

I’m done apologizing. If you are reading this, you better stop; because you definitely are not going to like what’s coming next.

I’m in love. I’m in love bigtime. Its smothering me more and more everyday, threatening to take over my entire existence. It shouldn’t be like this right? Everytime I fall in love, I literally fall in it. It’s definitely not good for the ego but does amazing things for my traitorous mood swings.

I thought I was settling for less in the beginning. But then it turned out to be so much more. Like Barney said, “I never knew it until now, but this is what I always wanted”.

I hate it when people try to figure me out; when they try to look into my soul and stuff; connect with me on another level. Who's gonna tell them that I don't have another level? They pile up a huge mound of expectations from me, without even realising that it's not me but somebody else they see in my place; and then when those hopes come dashing down, I'm the one who's blamed.
I'm sick of everything. Mostly of myself. Wish I could be someone else for a while. Or maybe just go home. Forever.

Let’s, for a second, imagine that I’m not flimsy, that I mean things strongly enough for words to pop right into my head n roll out through my fingertips. Let’s all just imagine that we are all unhappy and emo. Now THAT would be strong wishful thinking on our part. Why can’t we govern what we become? Why did God have to make us so fucked up? We were deigned to be his best creation so far. Few of us were supposed to do a couple of experiments, bing-bang-boom, and have all the answers ready for the rest of the clan, who would use them against one another and slowly pave the way to self-destruction. That’s it. Our knowledge was supposed to be our nemesis, not our ignorance. We were to fight AGAINST each other; not WITHIN each other. For example the pathetic wannabe emo chick down the block, why can’t she be what she wants? (by the way, seriously, what DO emo chicks want, other than blood and gore? Or is that what Goths want?) Sigh! Wish life was that simple.

If we could all be what we wanted to be , then I’d wanna be

1. A writer

2. HOT!!!

3. Un-lazy(is that even a word?)

4. Stronger(bothways)

5. Nicer J

I’d be perfect then !!!

Situations have a funny manner of repeating themselves, despite having precautions taken against them. As if it wasn’t enough for me to be just a disappointment, I had to be a failure too. Still my call is not to let go of the tail of hope, it’s the only piece of strength I have and I will have for some time to come now.

I have been so much out of touch with reality, seeing everything bright and sunny, and thinking I’m God’s favorite child, that the world has come up in arms against all my optimism. Still I feel that there is an underlying current of good-will under all the bad tidings. Is that right or is it just another one of my escapist, evadist points of views. Will I ever give my mega-positive attitude that seems to screw up almost everything?

No regrets. None. Why should I have any? I never lied. Never. Merely stated the facts as I knew and believed them. Its just that those facts have changed. Happiness comes with a price. So did mine. I paid heavily. But at least I'm happy now. That's what matters most, right?

I am me. Finally. And I love being me. Shameless, dumb, slow, bitchy, slutty, selfish, lazy, aimless, self-obsessed, narcisstic old me. And I’m reveling in it.

I’ll never hide myself again. Not for me even