My Epiphany

How can I give up on love? It defines who I am. I’m a nobody without it. I’m not talking about the person. I’m talking about the feeling. I got to believe in it. Even if it doesn’t exist in reality, it must exist for me.

I had a purpose these few days, when I tried to deny love out off my life. Or I thought I had a purpose. But just one text message and one dream was all it took to chuck it all in the bin. It all seems so silly and unbelievably insignificant now.

I can’t actually be falling out of love with you, if it takes so much effort. Why, I barely realized when I fell in love. The reverse can’t be so difficult. Or maybe the reverse doesn’t exist at all.

I was missing you. Then I got this idea from somewhere that it wasn’t you, I was just missing the whole concept of having someone with me all the time. And I made my peace with that one and tried my best to fill that gap. But there were so many hurdles. And the only person creating all those hurdles was just me. Sub-consciously I guess, I never could let go of you.

No matter how much I screw up, stay in my life. Please.

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The moment I think I’ve fallen out of love with you, BAMM!!! You gotta dream-visit me. How typically you! Can’t see me happy, can you? As soon as I’m somewhat over you, you get the tip-off and come back into my life, through a 45seconds long phone-call, or a beautiful happily-ever-after dream. I wonder who works for you. Who pretends to be my friend but still keeps a close watch enough to tell you when he thinks I might be moving on, so that you can come back barely for a minute and disrupt it all. I’m not pissed at you; I’m pissed at him. Or her. Whatever. I’m so fucked up!

*sigh!*

Why can’t it be my birthday everyday? Just had my happiest day in college life so far =D

I feel like a spoiled princess with a pet pony and a sailing boat of my own!

I'm sorry

1. For always being a jealous bitch. And letting that jealousy get in front of all my relationships.

2. For breaking promises. Re-making them. Re-breaking them.

3. For being so goddamn hypocritic.

4. For being such a cheapo.

5. For always complaining.

6. For feeling suicidal.

7. For wishing I was alone.

8. For betraying your trust.

9. For being so goddamn weak.

10. For not caring for anyone other than myself.