Unfaithful, I was;

On the doorstep of adolescence
And I cracked our crystal vase.
As I flipped the yellowed pages
Of some tear-blurred ancient novel,
Unread, disliked, thrust away
In some dark dusty corner
Of the shady bookshelf;
Unloved
Did you feel my love?
When I in my cruel bitterness
Shoved you out, from my mind,
From my heart, finally from my memories…
The bitter mornings sat and drank the lees;
Drained its cup to the last wet drop,
Till there remained nothing left to lick
Other than the empty white cup-
The empty hollow shell
Of my life, once a hell-
My hell, of glittery nights, sleepless in my bed;
My hell of drowsy hangovers, of sarcastic rosy threats;
My dark shallow evenings, my throbbing head,
The voices unheard, the letters unread,
Of my platinum hell;
Beautiful life
I’ve seen thy golden face,
Tanned with smears of prussian blue
Unholy disgrace…
And again the silent night screams at me
To go back to the day
To the unkept promises
Made by me
Meant for me ,
Broken by me…
And slowly the tingling grows louder,
Till it’s a blast of icy fire
Painful orgasm
Of delicious moments…
My beautiful life,
Don’t make me suffer so
For this purple dream-
I promise I’ll pay back,
But I wont go back
This time …
I promise I’ll pay back

Ode to My Moment

Beyond words, I was...

Beyond broken

Beyond numb.

I waited, as I hoped,

Just to succumb.

Pinch me, I prayed,

Pinch me and drag me out,

Out of this debris of memories-

From 10,000 leagues down.

My heart did weep,

It twisted and turned.

It stung so deep.

I did, I had learned.

As it unfurled-

What pain was;

Dark red and violent blue.

It seemed infinite.

But I did, I waited

For you..

All of a sudden now,

Light, I could see light

At the end of the cave.

Is that right?

Light, blinding my sight.

I’m left, stranded,

Standing all alone,

With neither pain nor bliss.

On my own.

Bliss will come,

With its own sweet pace.

But now as of its kingdom gone

Sweet pain, glorious pain.

Once more let it rain.

The pain is all I can think of,

This pain that I came to love.

"If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger" - Catherine; Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte

Pain...

I think its blood-red…..or maybe lightning blue
It strikes like a bolt of thunder, ripping through your night, your lovely, beautiful night, stunning you to silence…striking you numb..blinding you with it monstrous shrill light. its beautiful in its misery.
Then after the bolt from the blue, it leaves you with the blood. Bright crimson-red blood. Spreading gradually but with an unstoppable determination through your pure, white bed, staining even the farthest of corners. Then it dries. Dries to a hard coat and sticks on. You tried to pry it apart with your fingernails. But its hopeless. It stays on, you forget the colour white after a time. Red is all you can see. Red is all you can remember…

They were the last ones standing

Standing all alone

As their comrades fell one by one

And the other side won.

They were the last ones to retreat

With their heads hung up in pain

Craving to be martyred

To free their soul from the shame

They had seen their friends die

Seen their land snatched away

Their integrity raped to pieces

All they asked for was death

For it wasn’t death but freedom

Freedom, they lost at enemy hands

Freedom, they had promised their sons

To bring back home to their lands

They were the last ones killed

As they walked away from their dream

Killed, not martyred

And none heard their silent screams