I’m done apologizing. If you are reading this, you better stop; because you definitely are not going to like what’s coming next.

I’m in love. I’m in love bigtime. Its smothering me more and more everyday, threatening to take over my entire existence. It shouldn’t be like this right? Everytime I fall in love, I literally fall in it. It’s definitely not good for the ego but does amazing things for my traitorous mood swings.

I thought I was settling for less in the beginning. But then it turned out to be so much more. Like Barney said, “I never knew it until now, but this is what I always wanted”.

I hate it when people try to figure me out; when they try to look into my soul and stuff; connect with me on another level. Who's gonna tell them that I don't have another level? They pile up a huge mound of expectations from me, without even realising that it's not me but somebody else they see in my place; and then when those hopes come dashing down, I'm the one who's blamed.
I'm sick of everything. Mostly of myself. Wish I could be someone else for a while. Or maybe just go home. Forever.

Let’s, for a second, imagine that I’m not flimsy, that I mean things strongly enough for words to pop right into my head n roll out through my fingertips. Let’s all just imagine that we are all unhappy and emo. Now THAT would be strong wishful thinking on our part. Why can’t we govern what we become? Why did God have to make us so fucked up? We were deigned to be his best creation so far. Few of us were supposed to do a couple of experiments, bing-bang-boom, and have all the answers ready for the rest of the clan, who would use them against one another and slowly pave the way to self-destruction. That’s it. Our knowledge was supposed to be our nemesis, not our ignorance. We were to fight AGAINST each other; not WITHIN each other. For example the pathetic wannabe emo chick down the block, why can’t she be what she wants? (by the way, seriously, what DO emo chicks want, other than blood and gore? Or is that what Goths want?) Sigh! Wish life was that simple.

If we could all be what we wanted to be , then I’d wanna be

1. A writer

2. HOT!!!

3. Un-lazy(is that even a word?)

4. Stronger(bothways)

5. Nicer J

I’d be perfect then !!!

Situations have a funny manner of repeating themselves, despite having precautions taken against them. As if it wasn’t enough for me to be just a disappointment, I had to be a failure too. Still my call is not to let go of the tail of hope, it’s the only piece of strength I have and I will have for some time to come now.

I have been so much out of touch with reality, seeing everything bright and sunny, and thinking I’m God’s favorite child, that the world has come up in arms against all my optimism. Still I feel that there is an underlying current of good-will under all the bad tidings. Is that right or is it just another one of my escapist, evadist points of views. Will I ever give my mega-positive attitude that seems to screw up almost everything?